how to get wifed

[EDITOR’S NOTE 2014: Remember when I titled a blog post “how to get wifed” please put me out of my misery]


Let me preface this by saying that I’m a feminist. A Texas Feminist, in fact, and a member of the executive board. I believe in gender equality, I protest pay gaps in the west mall, and occasionally I don’t shave my legs (though that might be due to laziness instead of my political beliefs).

However… every now and then, I stumble upon a recipe, and the first thought that pops into my mind is: “This is food that can get you wifed.”

Allow me to explain. I’m just going to assume that all my Austin readers have been to Chuy’s (if you haven’t, you’re dead to me). And if you have, certainly you’ve asked for the creamy jalapeño dip alongside your salsa (if you haven’t, see previous note). It’s light green, speckled with tiny bits of cilantro, refreshing, and has a tiny bite. It’s heaven in a primary-colored plastic bowl. It has its own Facebook fan page (shameless plug: so do I! “Like” me!).

it’s a good idea to let the garlic and onions hang out with the salt for a while to let the flavors get to know each other

Creamy jalapeño dip is a substance that nations fight wars over. It’s valued somewhere between smoked salmon and pure platinum in price per ounce. The creamy jalapeño dip industry has been proven again and again to be recession-proof. Creamy jalapeño dip for Austin city council. Amen.

Creamy Jalapeño Dip*. Yields almost 2 cups.

1 c. mayonnaise
1/2 c. sour cream (I used 1/4 c. sour cream, 1/4 c. yogurt)
1-2 cloves finely minced garlic (no more! It’s really strong)
1/4 c. roughly chopped onion (or a little less)
1 tbsp. parsley flakes or 1/4 c. fresh parsley, chopped
1 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
2 tbsp. chives, green onions, or a combination of the two
1/3 c. (or a small can) of green chilies, diced
A handful of cilantro (more or less, to taste)
Juice of one lime
2 jalapeños, chopped (and seeded, if you prefer)*****
Buttermilk (as needed to reach your desired consistency. I used about 1/4 cup milk and 1 tbsp. of vinegar to make a very sour buttermilk.)
Salt and pepper, to taste

Throw everything in the blender except the buttermilk and blend away! If it’s too thick, add buttermilk; traditional creamy jalapeño is very thin. Serve chilled with tortilla chips or on top of a salad.

*If you want to cut corners, skip the garlic, onion, salt, parsley, and Worcestershire sauce, and use a proportional amount of Ranch dip mix instead.

*****OMG wear gloves. For some reason I decides to chop and core jalapenos with my bare hands. They burned for HOURS. I soaked them in: ice water, half a gallon of milk, vegetable oil, baking soda and water, and rubbing alcohol. None of it worked and I had to wait it out.


10 responses to “how to get wifed

  1. I have never, ever heard of Creamy Jalapeno Dip. Of course, I’ve never been to Austin. But this sounds *delicious*! Thanks for sharing, I’ll be giving it a try! (And I learned the same lesson about jalapenos, I like to make my own salsa. Bought a box of latex gloves for this very purpose! OUCH!)

  2. I’ve been to Chuy’s but never got the dip! AH I’ll remember that next time I go (:
    This recipe sounds really good but for healthness sake I’d probably use greek yogurt instead of the mayo and sour cream. It might not taste exactly the same but I’m sure it would still be amazing!
    I know how the whole jalapeno burn feels…no matter how much you wash your hands (like RIGHT after you cut the jalapeno) they STILL burn like CRAZY! I find that I always have to wait it out until the next day :/

    • Greek yogurt sounds like a great idea. I would actually recommend it — the mayo was way too sweet for me, and I normally don’t eat it. You’ll probably have to thin it down some more, but it should turn out great!

  3. Chuys = yes. Jalapeno dip = not yet. I must go when I come back in August!! Perhaps we can go togethaaa….
    The recipe sounds so good! Bummer about your hands though. It reminds me of when I was a kid and I always touched the peppers at HEB and then would cry for hours because my hands and any part of me that I touched would burn!

  4. I’ve never been to Chuy’s, but that’s because I’m car- and money-free. It’s on the list. But hey, if I can make this is my house, it’s all good! 🙂 I’ve found that cutting jalepeños with my bare hands is a good way to stop myself from biting my nails.

  5. Jalepeno cream dip is texmex crack – pursue with caution. You can also get it as a sauce on their enchiladas, but once you’ve gone that far, there’s pretty much no helping you.

    Natalie – so excited to get this recipe. I can now feed my habit at home. 🙂

  6. I made this last weekend- SO GOOD. I’ve always been a big fan of Chilis creamy jalepeno dip, and I am ecstatic that its so easy to make. I am a big fan of ” throw everything in a blender” recipes. I also made a few converts/addicts out of first time tasters. =)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s